A Little Competition Amongst Friends
Tuesdays are for Tea!
Dear Auntie Abla,
I’ve been feeling off lately in one of my closest friendships. My friend and I have known each other for years, but recently, it’s like there’s this unspoken competition between us. Every time I share good news — whether it’s a career milestone, a new relationship, or even something small — she either downplays it or tries to one-up me. If I mention my promotion, she hints at a better job she’s pursuing. If I’m seeing someone special, suddenly she’s dating someone even “more perfect.” Even our friendship feels like a race now.
I love her, but this undercurrent of rivalry is exhausting and it’s starting to make me question my worth. What do I do?
— A Little Competition Amongst Friends
Dear Friend Who’s Tired of Toxic Friendships and Secret Competition,
Aren’t you exhausted?
It sounds like your friend is quietly competing with you measuring every part of your life like she’s holding a ruler to your blessings. Career wins? She one-ups you. New relationship? Suddenly, she’s dating a neurosurgeon. Even your peace of mind has become her silent battleground.
Hmph.
Let’s be honest: this isn’t healthy competition. This is what we call toxic friendship fatigue, emotional gymnastics where you’re doing the backflips, and she’s just watching to see if you fall.
Look, a little friendly competition between women can be cute. Like whose jollof hits harder or who wore the Ankara better. But when every joy in your life triggers a performance from her? That’s not friendship. That’s a one-woman stage play with you as the unwilling understudy.
So here’s what you do:
Take a graceful step back. Not out of malice but for maintenance. You are not here to serve as a benchmark for someone else's insecurity. And if she’s always trying to outshine you, you can say:
“We’re friends, not rival Miss Ghana contestants. There’s room for both our crowns.”
If she hears you and grows? Beautiful. But if not? Then protect your peace, darling. Because joy is too expensive to waste on jealous friends.
You deserve a circle that claps loudly for you, not one that clutches pearls when you succeed. True sisterhood doesn't feel like a race. It feels like home.
So protect your energy like your favorite perfume: rare, divine, and not for everybody. Keep company with those who pray for you, root for you, and speak your name with kindness when you're not in the room.
Remember:
You’re not in competition with anyone who hasn’t even figured out their own lane.
You’re not here to perform.
And your blessings are not up for auction.
Now go book that facial, put on that robe, and sip your dandelion tea like the rich, radiant woman you’re becoming.
With love and not a ruler in sight,
Auntie Abla