All About the 'tions'

Dear Auntie Abla,

I’m a woman in my early 30s dating a man who’s nearly 40. I’m naturally affectionate. I love cuddles, random “thinking of you” texts, and feeling emotionally connected. But my boyfriend? Not so much. He tells me I’m always complaining about the “tions”, that is, affection, attention, emotions, devotion, etc. Every time I ask for more affection or attention, he offers just enough to say he did something, but it always feels like he’s checking a box and not truly showing up.

I don’t want to sound like I’m nagging or begging for the bare minimum, but I’m starting to feel more unseen than cherished. Am I asking for too much? Or is this a sign that the relationship isn’t worth holding onto?

Sincerely,
All About the ‘tions’?

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Dear All About the ‘tions’,

Ah, my sweet heart with the generous hugs and warm forehead kisses, come, sit next to me. Let Auntie pour you a cup of truth-telling, with just a splash of rum and a swirl of self-worth.

First things first: Wanting affection is not being needy. It’s called having emotional needs, darling. You're not asking this man to build the Taj Mahal overnight; you just want him to hold your hand without acting like it’s a job application. And yet, here he is, doing the bare minimum like he’s handing you a single rose and expecting you to grovel at his feet. Whew.

Now let’s get serious for a second. Relationships aren’t reward systems where effort equals applause. They are partnerships rooted in reciprocity, empathy, and consistent care, not crumb-giving performances that leave you emotionally malnourished.

So, ask yourself: Is this relationship truly feeding your heart or just making you snack on potential? If every loving gesture from him feels like pulling teeth, and if you’ve already voiced your needs clearly and lovingly (which it sounds like you have), then it’s not about whether he can give you what you need, it’s whether he wants to.

And honey, let the choir sing it louder:

“You should never beg for love.”

And you are not a charity case in the affection department.

Now, ask yourself is the relationship worth saving? Is he willing to step up consistently—not with “fix-it flowers” but with actual behavior change?

Be honest with yourself. Don’t lose years waiting on someone to “get it together” while you shrink yourself to accept crumbs.

You deserve a full meal. You're worthy of love that flows, not one that has to be rationed. Remember what one man won’t do, there are a dozen more capable and willing to do.

With love (and with hopes you will see your value soon),
Auntie Abla