☕ Tuesdays Are for Tea with Auntie Abla 🍵
Today’s Sip: What’s Sexy? Depends Who You Ask, My Dear.
Aboa! My darling nieces, let me sit up straight and adjust my scarf for this one because it’s a topic that gets all the ladies in the hair salon talking louder than the blow dryers.
This week, someone wrote in asking what women think men find sexy that actually turns them off. And I almost dusted off the little red notebook I used to keep, you know, the one titled:
“What Men Like and Don’t Like: Volumes 1 to 500.”
But guess what? I stopped adding to that list.
Do you know why?
Because at some point, this auntie realized, who am I to assume all men follow one recipe for desire?
In my rich, seasoned age (and yes, I’m aging like fine kente), I’ve learned a simple truth: to each his own.
One man’s “ooh la la” is another man’s “ah beg, what’s this?” Some want whispers and candlelight. Others want laughter and jollof in bed. Some love a bold woman in stilettos; others prefer you barefoot with a book and bonnet.
So listen well, my cocoa butter queens: Stop crowd-sourcing seduction.
Your last suitor liked lace? Good for him.
This one might like oversized tees and no makeup.
Or maybe he’s into intellectual debates, quiet cuddles, or wild dress-up games where you pretend to be a traffic warden with handcuffs. Me, I don't judge.
The real flex? Study your person.
Get your PhD in them. Not your ex, not TikTok tips, not “What Auntie Abena said her man likes.”
Observe. Ask. Listen. Try.
That’s how you find the dance to the rhythm and whether it’s Azonto, Salsa, or a slow waltz, that rhythm is yours to build together.
And if you’re searching for a suitor, here’s my golden rule:
Be. Yourself.
Pretending only lasts so long before the mask starts to itch. You don’t want to look up one day and realize you’ve been tap dancing for someone who didn’t even deserve to be in your audience.
Auntie’s Final Sip of Wisdom:
Men like a buffet of things:
Kinky talk.
Role play.
Deep silence.
Ghana Must Go pajamas (yes, I’ve seen it with my own two eyes)
A well-made stew.
You cannot twist and turn like kpakpo shito just to match every flavor of the week. Be the rich, complex dish you are, and then learn how to feed your person with love and intention.
That, my dear, is the sexiest thing of all.
Need a little advice with a little bit of chuckle:
Write to me.
I’ll stir the pot, spill the truth, and remind you every Tuesday why being you is more than enough.
Until next time, your one and only,
Auntie Abla